When a long time has passed and
a night falls when you can’t sleep,
when you find yourself thinking of me,
of all those memories which flood
your mind like a chaos, sharp and dizzy.
when you want to resume smoking
the cigarette you quit long ago,
when you want to open the folder
of old photos, one you didn’t dare
open in a very long time, afraid it might
turn gone days real and alive,
when you crave to hear the old song,
when you are afraid to close your eyes,
when you find yourself crawling on the floor
fighting the urge to smoke, longing to hold
back, making impossible efforts to let go,
when you know what you wish will never
be, the years took away all the
odds for you to be with me.
when a long time has passed
and you want to catch the next flight
to the old town where we lived
to walk down the old narrow streets
looking for our old cafe, finding
some new one instead.
when you find red eyes staring at you
from the broken mirror pieces,
when you look at the hard lines
in your palms, wonder why they
did what they did,
when you find yourself putting on shoes
to go out and finally get a cigarette,
when you stop yourself at the
threshold of the door, remembering
why you had quit it in the first place.
When a long time has passed, and
all this happens, do what you want to do,
get that cigarette even, if it keeps you
from searching for me.
I’ll be far out of your reach, deep into the
artificial world which by then I’d have
created from the scratch to save myself
from those who love me.